


Rejection

by Patrocool (all_the_homo)



Series: patchwork quilt [7]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I promise, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mentions of alcoholism, Panic Attacks, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Thanksgiving, but if you dont want to read about child abuse, d o n o t r e a d, early november, i started writing this in like, i swear it isnt tjeff abusing his kids, mostly just introducing them, shhh i know its almost feb, thomas just needs a hug ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 00:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9468008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_the_homo/pseuds/Patrocool
Summary: “Look, I already told you, Thomas, you need an actual reason to drop by. I really don’t have time to talk about whatever. I’m a teacher, and I have responsibilities, and you need to respect that, okay?”Thomas Jefferson winced, rubbing the back of his neck. His dark eyes that were often full of mischief and confidence had dark bruises under them, and looked almost hollow. Still, he attempted to give the other his signature cocky grin. “I do have a reason, James, I swear I do.”James Madison looked thoroughly unimpressed, raising a single eyebrow at Thomas. “Is that so? What’s your reason then?” He clearly didn’t believe Thomas, which was fair since Thomas was an asshole-you never do anything right, just look at your ex-wife or bully kids, or your lack of friends-but James was someone that Thomas wanted to like him so bad that it hurt.You’ve been in love with him since your junior year in high school, you named your kid after him for fuck's sake, just admit it.* * * * *Or, Thomas needs a friend and lots of hugs. James has the misfortune of being available for such things.





	

**Author's Note:**

> ayyyyy, patrocool here with a new installment of patchwork quilt!!!! we meant to post this on like,,,,, friday,,,,, but we forgot and then i had friends over all weekend and it was just a mess, but yknow, whatever.
> 
> anyways, thomas and james????? are not okay????? towards the end theres a lot of talk of child abuse, and its heavily implied but the abuse itself is not onscreen. also, it is not thomas abusing his kids. thomas has an almost-panic attack towards the end of the fic and theres also talk of alcoholism, so if that stuff makes you uncomfortable, dont read!!!!! 
> 
> that being said, if you havent read the rest of patchwork quilt, thats fine. especially for this one, you dont need much background, if any. really, its just that thomas and james went to high school together as best friends, had a falling out over an awful thing thomas said to lafayette about their gender (which will be explained later), and that james is a trans man, and thomas someone doesnt know (hes oblivious as all get out).

“Look, I already told you, Thomas, you need an actual reason to drop by. I really don’t have time to talk about whatever. I’m a teacher, and I have responsibilities, and you need to respect that, okay?”

Thomas Jefferson winced, rubbing the back of his neck. His poufy, black hair was carefully “brushed” into something presentable, his charcoal grey suit had a silk purple tie and a matching handkerchief peaked out of their respective places. His dark eyes that were often full of mischief and confidence had dark bruises under them, and looked almost hollow. Still, he attempted to give the other his signature cocky grin. “I do have a reason, James, I swear I do.”

James Madison looked thoroughly unimpressed, raising a single eyebrow at Thomas. His navy blue button up was rumpled and untucked from his black slacks, and the sleeves rolled up, looking impeccable as always. “Is that so? What’s your reason then?” He clearly didn’t believe Thomas, which was fair since Thomas was an asshole- _you never do anything right, just look at your ex-wife or bully kids, or your lack of friends-_ but James was someone that Thomas wanted to like him so bad that it hurt.

_You’ve been in love with him since your junior year in high school, you named your kid after him for fuck's sake, just admit it._

He let out a soft sigh, and shook his head. “I… Well, you remember the Schuyler sisters? Well, they own this orphanage now, and you know how by boss, Washington, his wife, Martha works there, and apparently there’s these kids there that are super into politics and law and stuff-” He cut himself off when James was clearly losing his patience. “Um. Anyways, point is, Washington opened the firm to school and educational tours, and I figured you might be interested, since, y’know, you teach AP Government, and Civics and Street Law and stuff, that you might want a school tour for your classes?” His voice sounded weak and he cursed himself for it. He was Thomas fucking Jefferson, he could talk to somebody like a normal person.

James raised an eyebrow, and sighed, lacing his fingers together to rest his chin on. Thomas tried not to focus on how small and delicate James looked, like the rose from Beauty and the Beast, despite his large stature. “And why didn’t you just say, “hey, James, my boss has opened up the firm to school tours, are you interested?” instead of that long, winded explanation of something that I honestly don’t care about right now?”

Thomas ignored the slight crushing feeling in his chest, and tried to fix his faltered smile. “Right. Sorry. That would’ve been easier for all parties involved.” He forced a chuckle, and avoided looking him in the eye. _Because whenever I’m around you, I get butterflies in my stomach, and I don’t want to fuck this up, like I always do. You stopped talking to me for years, I can’t lose you again, I’m sorry._

James sighed, and brushed him off. “Don’t worry about it, I’m just tired and grumpy, my last period class, Civics, they’re an absolute mess, throwing shit across the classroom, arguing, shouting, swearing, being flat out disrespectful. I had to lecture them, and it was absolutely draining and frustrating.”

He nodded, and smiled, a little more real this time. “So. Are you interested in that at all then?”

Sighing to himself, James nodded, straightening out the papers he was grading. “Yes, it does seem like a good opportunity for the students to visit a real firm. I have quite a few kids interested in the judicial aspect of government and civics, and I think they would love to see what it’s like in the law firm.”

Thomas felt lighter at that, looking up with a cocky grin. “Great, I knew you’d like it.”

Another sigh and then James gestured with a hand for him to take a seat. “We have to figure out the details. I have a feeling that was your plan all along. How long would this tour take, exactly?”

* * * * *

“She had the nerve to tell me that I wasn’t a “true Republican” because I think conversion therapy should be illegal nationwide. I am so fucking sorry that I believe in basic human decency, y’know? Most of the people who go into conversion therapy don’t come out. And if they do come out, they’re broken shells of what they used to be, and she thinks we should do that to all LGBT+ people, which is simultaneously sickening and horrifying. Like. No.” 

James nodded solemnly from where he was sitting behind his desk, shaking his head in disgust. “That’s awful. And she’s your client?”

“Not anymore, thank god, she decided to get a different lawyer after figuring out I was against conversion therapy.” Thomas scowled, running a hand through his black hair. It was even messier than usual, James noticed idly, probably due to all of the stress Thomas was going through. 

“Well, good riddance to her. I have quite a few LGBT+ students in my classes, and the thought of them going through something like that?” His stomach churned at the thought, and he pressed his hand to his mouth. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“I know. Trust me, I know.” Thomas smiled sympathetically, leaning back a little. “I have kids, and just to imagine them going through something like that…” He let out a shaky breath. “I can’t, y’know? It hurts to think about.”

James knew exactly what he was talking about, and opened his mouth to tell him as much when he realized his muscles suddenly felt very weak and loose. Oh no, was all he had time to think before his muscles gave out and his head slammed into the desk. He wished his jaw muscles would work so he could curse every deity he had ever heard. This was ridiculous. Of course he had to have one of the worse episodes of cataplexy he had had in years in front of Thomas Jefferson, triggered by disgust and anger. 

It was dead silent for a moment before he felt soft, gentle hands shaking his back, and feeling his pulse. “James? Oh fuck, oh my god, James, please answer me, please wake up, oh my god, fuck, fuck, what do I do, fuck, James, please wake up-” his voice got tight, and it sounded like he was choking on his words.

James wanted to scream, to let Thomas know that he was okay, but all he could manage was shake his hand, tapping it rapidly on the desk top. 

“Oh fuck, is this a seizure? Jesus Christ, do I call an ambulance?” James could hear Thomas standing up, his breath fast and panicked. “I’ll get another teacher; they’ll know what’s going on.” He heard the door open, and Thomas dashing out into the hall. Within a minute or two that felt entirely too long, James heard two pairs of footsteps entering his classroom. “-should’ve called an ambulance, oh fuck,” Thomas said, voice rushed and scared. 

“Deep breath, sir.” A female voice answered soothingly. Oh thank god, it was Kitty Livingston, she knew about his narcolepsy. “James is fine, haven’t you ever seen him have a narcoleptic episode? Or, in this case, it’s his cataplexy, which I haven’t seen to this extent before, but his fingers are twitching. Just give him a few minutes, he’s okay. Now, if you need me, I’ll be down the hall, but I have a student in detention right now that I have to watch.”

Thomas sat heavily in his chair, and was silent besides his sharp, shaky breaths. James supposed it was probably terrifying to have someone just collapse like that, and the way Kitty phrased it wasn’t exactly kind, or explanatory. But Thomas would just have to wait a while.

One minute turned into two minutes, which turned into five with James slowly regaining control of his muscles until he could slowly sit up, grimacing. Thomas looked pale, eyes wide, hair disheveled, chest rapidly rising and falling. “Oh fuck, oh my lord, are you alright? What the hell was that?” 

“Cataplexy,” James mumbled, his jaw feeling loose and slurring his words. “Gimme a second.”

“Right, of course, I’m sorry,” Thomas apologized, fidgeting nervously. His breath was still staccato and he looked ready to jump forward at any moment. James closed his eyes and just focused on relaxing and letting his muscles do their thing. 

After a few more minutes, he looked at Thomas, and dipped his head a little. “I’m okay. It’s fine, I swear, I do that sometimes when I feel strong emotions. It’s almost never to that extent though, usually just my knees, or my shoulders, y’know?”

Thomas nodded, and exhaled shakily. “So. You really are okay then?” At James’ nod, he slumped back in his seat, and tilted his head towards the ceiling, calming his breathing. “Alright. Okay. Everything is fine-” He nearly screamed when his phone chimed, topping sideways out of his chair. James hid his snickers behind his hand as Thomas flailed and struggled to pull his phone out and answer it.

“Wha- Hello?” His expression slowly morphed into a sad kind of weary as he listened to the other end of the line, and he turned away from James, shoulders slumping. “Yes, of course, tell their family I’ll pay for a replacement.” A pause. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes to pick her up. I know, I am sincerely sorry-” He sighed, and hunched in on himself a little more. “I’m aware. Thank you, ma’am. Tell Martha that I’ll be there soon, and that she should expect a talk about this.” He hung up, and looked at the wall in defeat for a moment before standing, and quietly gathering his things.

“Is everything alright?” James asked slowly, brows furrowed. He had never seen Thomas look so small and beaten down before.

Thomas smiled weakly. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you some other time, okay?”

James narrowed his eyes. “There’s something clearly wrong, Thomas, tell me what happened. Why is Martha in trouble? Isn’t she your wife?”

He flinched at the mention of his wife. “Martha and I divorced four years ago, James.” He said. So that was why he flinched. “No, this Martha is my daughter, she’s the oldest of my three kids, and. Well.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Apparently, she stole someone’s phone, and threw it into a pond on campus.”  
James blinked, and raised an eyebrow. “She did what?”

Thomas shrugged, and closed his eyes tightly. His arms hung limp at his sides, and he looked so tired, and worn out. “Yeah. This, uh. This isn’t the first time things like this have happened. And now Eston is following in her footsteps, and all three of them hate me and don’t listen to a word I say.” He took a sharp breath, and shook his head. “Never mind. I’ll see you some other time.”

With that, Thomas walked out the door, and James realized this was not the man he knew in high school. This man was nothing more than a shell with a mask to hide behind.

It made James wonder just how much he knew Thomas in high school as well.

* * * * *

“I uh. Have a favor to ask you.” 

It was the Friday before the week of Thanksgiving, and Thomas was standing in front of him looking like he was going to puke. James noticed that his fingers were trembling slightly, and his eyes looked dead, like someone had but out the fire that normally warmed them. 

In other words, James was concerned. Thomas had come over to his house to watch movies since his kids were all out doing their own thing, not to ask for a favor. Regardless, James gently ushered him inside his tiny apartment to the couch, and nodded in encouragement to go on.

“I... Can you watch the kids over Thanksgiving break? I uh. I have to leave out of state Wednesday night and I actually don’t know when ill be coming back, but it’ll be by Monday. I just. Don’t want the kids to be alone, you know? Not all weekend like that, but. I can’t take them with me, I won’t.”

James raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. “I mean. I don’t see why not.” He paused, gently touching his shoulder. “But where are you going over Thanksgiving break that’s more important than spending the holidays with your family?”

Thomas laughed without humor. “That’s the thing. I have to spend Thanksgiving with my parents in Virginia.” His face softened slightly. “But I’ll see my siblings.”

James paused, eyebrows furrowed. “You have siblings?” He asked in confusion, wracking his brain for memories of Thomas ever having younger kids at his house.

His face darkened a little. “Yes. My mother got pregnant with me when she was sixteen, and didn’t get pregnant again until my senior year of high school. I have four siblings, Jane, the second oldest, she’s twenty-one. The twins, Mary and Peter, they’re the same age as my son, Mads, sixteen, while the youngest, Anna, she’s twelve.”

James blinked. “I always thought your mom looked really young.” He mumbled. “Didn’t know you had siblings though.”

Thomas shrugged, and looked at the wall. “Not the point. So, you can watch them then?” 

His eyes narrowed but he dropped it. “Yes, I can do that. You know, if you ever need to talk about stuff, I’m here.”

Thomas scoffed, a bitter smile on his lips. “A bit too late for that.”

* * * * *

“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re just some stupid teacher that Dad had watch us because he doesn’t trust us.” Martha Jefferson scowled at James, her long red-brown hair in loose curls around her face, and her eyes so dark they were almost black. She had a hand on her hip, dark skin contrasting greatly with the light colors she was wearing. 

“And for good reason too,” James replied without looking up from his newspaper. “From what I’ve heard, you give everyone hell. Including your father who’s trying his damn best to do what’s best for you.”

She rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms. “As if. He’s just a whiny little alcoholic bitch.” Martha set her jaw, and jutted her chin up. “I wish literally anyone else was my father, I hate him.”

James looked at her sharply. “You wouldn’t want my parents. Be grateful for what you have. Thomas would give you the fucking world if he thought you needed it, and he doesn’t need you taking advantage of that and then shit talking him behind his back.” And he knew he shouldn’t, but-

“Also, what do you mean by alcoholic?”

She snorted, raising an eyebrow. “He didn’t tell you? Fucking typical. He used to drink until he passed out, and start again the next day.” She snorted and shook her head. “Why would he tell you?”

James’ eyebrows furrowed. “Does he still do this? What started it?”

Martha scowled, eyes darkening. “He stopped almost a year ago, and it’s none of your fucking business how or why it started, you nosy piece of shit.”

He sighed, and looked back to his newspaper, silently cursing himself for encouraging her. “Doesn’t matter. Point is, your father is a good man. You’re only fucking up your own life by doing this.”

She looked a bit surprised at that, and then snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m not joking, Martha. How many of your so-called friends are actually there because they like you as a person? How many of your friends actually care what you have to say? When’s the last time someone let you cry on their shoulder? What was the last time you let someone cry on yours?” James’ face was carefully bored and unimpressed as he looked at Martha, and he watched as she shifted, and avoided his gaze. After the silence stretched out, and looked back to his newspaper. “That’s what I thought.”

“As if I care!” Martha snapped before storming upstairs to her room.

James listened to her leave and exhaled softly. No wonder Thomas looked so pained whenever he talked about his kids.

* * * * *

“You upset Martha.” Eston, the youngest of Thomas’ kids, slammed his hands down on the counter as James started getting stuff out for Thanksgiving dinner. 

James raised an eyebrow, and looked at him. “Did I? Perhaps, if she didn’t want her feelings to get hurt, she shouldn’t hurt others.”

“You’re an asshole, I hate you.” Eston snapped, glaring at him. He barely batted an eyelash, instead cutting off the plastic wrap from the turkey. 

“I’m a teacher, Eston. I have heard it all.”

“Yeah, well, you are!” He shifted uncertainly, and watched as James continued quietly. “I’m telling Dad that I hate you and then you can’t come over ever again.”

“Are you really going to do that to him?” James looked up in surprise to see the middle child, sixteen-year-old Madison, leaning against the doorway. He had an exasperated look on his face. According to Thomas, Eston followed Martha in whatever she did, but Madison didn’t bully anyone like them. He wasn’t exactly kind either, since he didn’t stand up for the victims, but he would occasionally ridicule and refute his siblings.

Eston looked at Madison, eyebrows furrowed.

“That’s James Madison, you fucking idiot. Dad’s best friend from high school, remember? Dad fucking idolizes him. Thinks he’s the best damn thing since sliced bread. Are you really going to take Dad’s only friend away from him? How fucking cruel are you?” He shook his head in disgust. “Don’t be a fucking dumbass. Dad doesn’t have any friends and that’s mostly because you and Martha? You guys are awful people. And that hurts Dad.” 

Eston shifted a little, looked at James, and then scurried upstairs, leaving James with Madison. The teen looked at him, and softened slightly. “I can help cook.”

James nodded and they worked in silence.

* * * * *

When Thomas came home on Sunday, James, Martha, Madison, and Eston were quietly working on various papers while they ate lunch. They were all quiet, and calm with the Harry Potter soundtrack quietly playing. He stopped in the doorway to watch them in silence, just waiting for one of the kids to snap angrily, or to start yelling, but nothing happened. It was all peaceful.

He cleared his throat with a slight wince, and James jumped, nearly falling out of his chair. Thomas noticed that James had cute silver reading glasses perched on his nose as he worked. James looked like he was about to smile when he saw him, and it quickly turned to concern as he rushed over.

“Thomas? Why is your neck all swollen and bruised? And is your lip split? What the fuck happened?” James asked softly, reaching out to gently touch his jaw. Thomas flinched away from the touch, and looked at his kids. 

“Hey, y’all,” he greeted. James’ eyes widened at how hoarse his voice was, but he determinedly ignored the burning pain. “Y’got your homework done?”

Martha stared. “Um. Dad? What happened to you?”

Thomas looked panicked for a split second before swallowing and shrugging a little. “I um. Just. Just got mugged, ha, y’know, parents don’t live in the best town.”

Madison leaned forward, eyes narrowed. “Charlottesville isn’t the best town? That isn’t what you told us when we were younger.”

Thomas avoided his eyes. “Don’t worry about it, okay? I’m gonna go take a nap.” He quickly headed up the stairs, ignoring the sounds of protest behind him. He made it up the stairs and leaned against the wall, breathing shakily. _You can't tell them, don't be selfish. He'll hurt them, you idiot, don't you get it?_ The little voice in his head was screaming at him and he wanted it to stop. He wanted everything to stop, it was too much, too fast, too everything. 

Thomas stumbled down the hall, loosening his tie desperately, struggling to breathe. _He always knew you were weak, you had this coming for you. No one likes you anyways, your own children hate you and now you're considering telling them about him and what he's doing to you? Dumbass. They aren't gonna help you. Remember what Martha used to say? Just man up, you little pussy. Stop being a coward, and suck it up._ He made it to his bedroom when someone gently touched his back, causing him to flinch and spin around with an expression of panic. His mind was racing and he couldn’t make out a single coherent thought except for, _don't tell, don't tell, don't tell-_ James stared back at him, hand yanked back. 

“You’re a terrible liar, Thomas. What really happened?” Thomas had to wrack his brain to figure out what he was talking about, and when he figured it out he looked away. James’ eyes searched him as he refused to make eye contact, and whatever he saw only worsened his mood. “You weren’t mugged.” It wasn’t a question, and Thomas didn’t answer it. “Do I have to guess?”

“I already told you what happened.” Thomas protested weakly, staring just over James’ shoulder. _Go away, go away, I'm fucked up, leave me alone, I only hurt them, leave me alone, don't tell-_ “I was mugged.”

James grabbed Thomas' hand to look at his knuckles. Nothing. _At least you can do something right. No fighting back or they get it. At least you figured that out, you stupid bitch._ It was _his_ voice, why was it always his voice? Thomas flinched, and shrunk in on himself, looking from side to side. “Leave me alone,” he whispered.

“If you were mugged as you claimed, Thomas, you’d be complaining until my ears fell off. Your knuckles aren’t even sore, so you didn’t fight back, and typically when you’re mugged? You don’t get strangled.” James listed off, eyes burning. “So tell me who did this to you.”

_Don't tell, don't tell, he'll hurt them, don't tell James._ Thomas shook his head, backing up. “No, I can’t, you don’t understand-”

“Then make me understand, Thomas! Was it someone who wanted to hurt your family?”

“No, no, no, James, please, I can’t, I have to protect my-” His eyes went wide, realizing his mistake. _Idiot! Look at what you've done, you're can't tell him._

“Who are you protecting, Thomas? Your kids? Your parents? Your siblings?” When Thomas flinched, James knew he guessed it. “Thomas, there’s other ways to protect your siblings. Who are you protecting them from?”

Thomas sunk to the ground, trembling as he covered his ears with his hands. “Stop, stop, stop,” he chanted, tears streaming down his face. _You fucked up, you worthless piece of shit, he's gonna hurt them so much because of you, he'll find out, he always does. And when he finds out, he's gonna hurt them, and it'll be your fault._

James knelt down in front of him, and gently touched his knee. “Thomas. Are you trying to protect your siblings from your parents? Is that why you couldn’t bring your kids to Thanksgiving? Because your parents hurt you?”

Thomas sobbed at that point, and James gently gathered him in his arms, rubbing his back gently. “Shh, deep breath, Thomas, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

“I’m sorry, James, I’m sorry,” he rasped, sobs shaking his body. _James knows how worthless and pathetic you are now. He's going to leave you, and Dad will hurt Jane, Mary, Peter and Anna, and you'll never see them again. How could you do this?_

James shushed him, holding him tightly. “Thomas, it’s okay, I’m sorry for pushing you, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Thomas shook his head, whimpering. “He's gonna hurt them. H-he's gonna hurt them so bad. My siblings-”

“We’ll get them out.” James promised, voice low and angry. “No matter what, we’ll get them out.”

**Author's Note:**

> lmao i never said it was going to be a happy installment, yall. 
> 
> also, i have started a in the heights au, and id like yall's imput. should gwash or hercules take benny's place? (just for reference, alex is usnavi, john is vanessa, laf is nina, thomas is sonny, betsey ross is abuela claudia and james is graffiti pete, angelica is daneila and eliza is carla. peggy is also in their as another worker in the hair salon, and maria is dating eliza, and works at the dispatch)
> 
> find me on tumblr @patrocool, twitter @nb_lafayette, and instagram @gaygreekgeek or @nonbinary.fighting.frenchman
> 
> give my lovely beta, paperbound, some love too!! i highly suggest reading some of their works:)
> 
> ^^^ no dont ~pap
> 
> thanks for reading, as always. comments and kudos fuel me.


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